follow us on twitter
find us on facebook
add post Forum Index » People & Society » Bullying...
20 Aug 2010
mary
Posts:49
Bullying...

I have been stewing for days now wondering why I feel like the only parent here that sees whats going on with these kids on the playground.  This incident just occurred where my son was hit because he tackled another kid while playing.....yep.....TACKLE football!  I went over to speak to this kid who is always hitting other kids when he gets tackled and told him that is the nature of the game.  There are also some other kids who get a little too rough or deliberately hit or push other kids for NO apparent reason when they feel like it.  I watched a kid pick up another kids bike and throw it, just because he felt the need.  I sit on my balcony watching this all happen, then the next day, a kid who wasn't even there or involved says he is going to beat my kids up for lying.  Then, of course, his parents get involved.   Blah, Blah, Blah.  Anyway, the father says " I know my son would NEVER hit or lie".  GUESS WHAT???  I invite ANY of you parents to my patio any day of the week to watch your children interact.  Those of you who think your children "would never do that" need to see what's really going on.  I am the mom who knows my kids may do something, I would never take the "they would never do that attitude".  It's not fair to either of us.

21 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

I bet you're going to open a can of worms here!  I TOTALLY agree with you.  I'm not stupid, my kids make mistakes.  I think that if you're one of those parents who say "my son/daughter would never do that" you can pretty much gaurentee that they are and will continue to.  I would listen to both my kids and listen to the parents and make an informed decision.  Stopping the bad behavior is essential, they won't stop if you don't talk about it, and take the appropriate action.

I too have a bird's eye view of a playground and I've seen a lot of the same thing.  My pet peeve is that parents let their young children go to the playground alone.  They don't watch their children so they really have no idea.  The parents see you at the playground and think..hey they'll watch my kid.  4 and 5 year olds have no business at a playground without their parent.  If I wanted more kids to watch, I would have had more children!

PARENTS BEWARE!!  I AM WATCHING..I have no problem calling security when you neglect your kids, or if you're kids are being bullies to our children.

22 Aug 2010
joe
Posts:7
Re: Bullying...

Well I for one.. Never let me child go to the playground anymore due to the kids being bullies and not knowing how to act... Man I tell you it is so bad, they are nasty the way they pick with one another.. I worry about him going to school here..If they are this bad at the playground. When I was taking my child I was one of the only parents at the playground.. It was something like 13 kids there very young no parents around.. I seen so much.. 1 child wanted to fight my son for no reason... I put a quick stop to that and will for any other child that is there getting abused.. It's not right something need to be done.. and you would think more parents would know how to raise a child with Manners.. but nope not here most of the time.. It's a Sad thing..

22 Aug 2010
mary
Posts:49
Re: Bullying...

Thanks D and Joe....it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one.  I by far am not a perfect parent and my kids are not perfect either.  I do let my kids go out and play alone (they are 8yr. old twins), but lately, my husband or myself has been on the patio while they are out.  I don't want to smother my kids, I want them to be independent, but it's scary because no-one ever seems to check on their kids.  Anyway, I had MUCH higher expectations of the way other military children would act and let me tell you, I work at the school, kids are just as bad there.  There is a no bullying policy, but if the school tries to enforce it, the parents don't back it, then it causes problems.  Most of the parents will blame the school and the teachers when the kids are doing something wrong.  What a major bummer this is!  Thanks again for the forum and allowing my opinion!

22 Aug 2010
ANON
Posts:28
Re: Bullying...

Mary,

You should definitely call security!   There are specific rules for children on base and there should never be any children unattended under 12 years old...EVER! 

I am always disturbed by parents who think their kids do no wrong...I find it its own form of child abuse because you know they don't receive the proper discipline at home.  At least know that you are doing right by your kids. 

While we don't live on base, here is a scenario we experienced there at the playground. 

While I was doing the shopping, my husband took our two kids to the playground to fly their kites.  There was another child there, aged about 6/7 yrs old,  WITH HER MOTHER.  This child literally walked up to my husband and called him a butthead multiple times.  The mother sat there and did nothing.  I wonder if he had been in his uniform she would have been as uninterested...probably.  Needless to say, he didn't confront her directly, but said very loudly (so the mother would hear) "I'm sorry we can't fly our kites any more, but I don't want the two of you learning that girl's bad behavior".  The mother STILL did nothing.  So, my family left the playground.

I understand your frustration.  Your kids should be able to play in a safe environment.  Again, report these unattended children to security and let them know that bullying is ocurring.  They can't take appropriate steps unless they know what it going on.  I think we should encourage the base to start taking strict measures with these parents that don't care for their children like they should.

 

22 Aug 2010
ABE
Posts:37
Re: Bullying...

 Hmmm...sounds like a child psychologist's dream lab, doesn't it? I thought it was an isolated incident when we had a problem at the back playground a few months ago (by the soccer fields and officers housing.) And this (older) child knew my husband b/c he is a teacher-- and even knew my child's name! The child spent his time racing to and playing on the equipment that my (much younger) child wanted to play on and modeling his behavior to his friends that were with him.My take is that the other children were too afraid of him to tell him to stop.  (PARENTS--who are your kids hanging with? Remember this one? "Do not be decieved: Bad company corrupts good morals!") I used it as a "teachable moment" for my child and, after this boy continued to victimize my child, I eventually had to leave the area because I couldn't stand to watch and allow any further interaction. Now that I know that this is happening more often, maybe I'll ask their friends what the bully's name is... or start toting my camera and/or the school yearbook so that I can identify the culprits to security. Vengence is not my goal. Awareness and change on the part of a parent in the lives of their child is.

 What kind of child rearing motivates a child to behave in this manner? Children, for the most part, are a product of their "home training" and, later in life, the other influences (peers, TV, etc) play a huge part in how they behave. Lack of parent attention, love, care, and validation is a dangerous thing. "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they grow old they will not depart from it."     

22 Aug 2010
JoAnne
More than 100 messages post
Posts:123
Bullying...CHILD AGE SUPERVISION GRID.

CHILD SUPERVISION GRID.

LEFT UNATTENDED IN QUARTERS/PLAYGROUND/OUTSIDE OF QUARTERS:

New borns: NO across the board

6-8 years: 1 hour w/close physical access to care providers and being

checked on periodically

9-11 years: YES, w/close physical access to care providers and care provider

checking periodically

12-15 years: Yes, w/designated adult checking periodically, not over night

16-17 years: Yes w/telephone access to designated adult

LEFT ALONE OVERNIGHT:

6-8 years: NO

9-11 years: NO

12-15 years: NO

16-17 years: Yes, w/telephone access to an adult

LEFT UNATTENDED IN CAR:

6-8 years: Yes w/keys removed up to 10 mins

9-11 years: Yes w/keys removed up to 15 mins

12-15 years: Yes w/keys removed

16-17 years: Yes

BABY SIT OTHERS:

6-8 years: NO

9-11 years: NO

12-15 years: Yes, but NOT over night

16-17 years: Yes

UNATTENDED IN PUBLIC ARES:

6-8 years: NO

9-11 years: Recreational areas w/close physical access to care provider and

care provider checking periodically

12-15 years: Recreational areas w/care provider checking periodically

16-17 years: Yes,

WALK TO SCHOOL:

6-8 years: Yes

9-11 years: Yes

12-15 years: Yes

16-17 years: Yes

LEFT ALONE IN QUARTERS WHILE VACATION/TAD:

No across the board but for 16/17 years w/telephone access to an adult

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Joanne,

I think someone needs to define what close personal contact is.  I don't feel that a truly responsible parent would let their 6 year old out at the playground for an hour (or 5 minutes) alone.  Could you  send the age requirements for bullying.  I'm not sure at what age we should start allowing that.. *sarcasm*.  I'm sure you meant only to educate us on these age definitions, but it angers me that a parent could use this as a means to be irresponsible in terms of  their children.

23 Aug 2010
Cheryl
Posts:36
Re: Bullying...

D, Sarcasm for sending the age requirements for bullying was not called for. I live in Mary's quad and it has become the place for all troublemakers recently to hang out, steal (YES STEAL) make out, bully, I could go on and on. Parents need to be held accountable for their kids actions. When your child brings home a brand new razor scooter with SARAH RAY'S name on it (blue wheels and Blue handles), common sense should kick in that it does NOT belong to your child, parent the child about how wrong it is to steal someone else's property, march their butt back to where is was found (inside the building of 2126) make them apologize, punish them and TEACH them right from wrong,  that being said it was probably the same parent of the thieving child that stole my neighbors smoker (grill) 2 days ago (kids could not have lifted that) so we also have an issue with low life parents not stepping up to the plate. Kids are going to be kids and make mistakes but it is YOU the parents that created this child, YOU are the ones that need to raise the child not us. We are an officers quad and while all this might take place here, on the soccer field next to our quad, skate park (across the street) or park next to us it does not mean it is just the officers children behaving this way, every kid on the base seems to find there way over here, heck some are even dropped of that do not live on base while parents work or go shopping. Babysit your own kid, we don't want to! 

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Cheryll,

Please re read my post, or my earlier post.  I'm saying the same thing that you are.  The sarcasm was directed at the letter that was posted by Joanne as age definitions.  If you read my post you would have seen that I said responsible parents wouldn't let their children out alone at the age of six as the previous note said was allowed.  I in fact said that children would make mistakes in my first post, I in fact said that parents needed to be responsible in my first post.  Why is it that you're so quick to argue without reading the full posts?  I'm on your side.

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Re: Bullying...

Cit. Cheryl wrote:
D, Sarcasm for sending the age requirements for bullying was not called for. I live in Mary's quad and it has become the place for all troublemakers recently to hang out, steal (YES STEAL) make out, bully, I could go on and on. Parents need to be held accountable for their kids actions. When your child brings home a brand new razor scooter with SARAH RAY'S name on it (blue wheels and Blue handles), common sense should kick in that it does NOT belong to your child, parent the child about how wrong it is to steal someone else's property, march their butt back to where is was found (inside the building of 2126) make them apologize, punish them and TEACH them right from wrong,  that being said it was probably the same parent of the thieving child that stole my neighbors smoker (grill) 2 days ago (kids could not have lifted that) so we also have an issue with low life parents not stepping up to the plate. Kids are going to be kids and make mistakes but it is YOU the parents that created this child, YOU are the ones that need to raise the child not us. We are an officers quad and while all this might take place here, on the soccer field next to our quad, skate park (across the street) or park next to us it does not mean it is just the officers children behaving this way, every kid on the base seems to find there way over here, heck some are even dropped of that do not live on base while parents work or go shopping. Babysit your own kid, we don't want to! 


23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

And by the way, I too am in an officers quad and have a birds eye view of the bullying that goes on across the street (which I stated in my first post)  The sarcasm remark said that I wanted the age requirments for bullying, which was sarcasm because bullying shouldn't be allowed at any age...I don't understand how you thought differently?

23 Aug 2010
jason
Posts:31
Re: Bullying...

If we could all be responsible and interpert the 'close physical contact' as no more than a couple hundred feet, then it would not be an issue, but since some can't, those parents are going to have to start being held accountable.  Whether it is 6 or 7 it doesnt matter, I see 11 12 13yr olds that shouldnt be allowed outside without a parent.  I don't think we are negligent parents for letting our 6.5 yr old play at the park right beside our house for short periods of time.  Sure, she has made a couple bad choices, but we handled them appropriatly and nipped it in the bud.   Its like the dog mess issue, you can plead your case all you want, some people are just not going to get it without consequenses.  You shouldn't have to be 'punished' into parenting your children.

23 Aug 2010
JoAnne
More than 100 messages post
Posts:123
Re: Bullying...

D. Why was sarcasm directed at me, why would you do that?? If there is

bullying going on? then that is because there are NOT any parents

supervising their kids when there should be. I only posted this to try to be

helpful and give the ages where children "could and could not be left alone"

written by NAVSUPPORT NAPLES INST 1752.3A

Print this out or pick one up at the Family Service Center, this grid

outlines the minimal child supervision guidelines established by the "Family

Advocacy Committee (FAC) for the Naples Community to help w/guidelines on

parental supervision, I just copied it down. 

 

But since you rudley opened the can of worms, any complaints regarding kids left on their own playing, being bullied or doing the bullying? This then needs to be taken up with the powers that be/security or the parents who are leaving

their children unattended.

I am totally 100% against bullies be it verbal or physical, and regardless

of the children being victims or perpetrators under the age of supervision

it's the parents fault for leaving them to their own devises, so shame on

them for not keeping a closer eye on where there children are and what they

are up to be it good or bad!  You know the old saying "out of sight and out

of mind" It seems like some parents also feel the same about their kids!!

 

At the end of the day be it "Officers, Enlisted or Civilians, it really does not matter, what matters is (for everybody) "Do YOU know where your kids are?"

23 Aug 2010
jason
Posts:31
Re: Bullying...

D-  I got it :)  I didnt see it as offensive but just saying that bullying is not allowed no matter what age the child is.

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Joanne, no sarcasm intended at you personally.  Sarcasm was intended on comment of "sending a list of appropriate ages for bullying" as in...I'm being sarcastic I don't really need a list of ages for bullying as it is common sense that no one should be bullying.  My intent was to say that this list can't dictate everything for every child.  It doesn't work that way.  Your kids (and by that I mean anyone's kids, please don't take it offensively) can be 13 and technically allowed out to play, but you need to be watching them to make sure they are being polite, not litering (another problem), and not bullying other children.  I also said in the post that I know you were just posting the list for our review (something like that..can't remember the exact words) I'm not sure how I "attacked" you, but I do

Let me lay it out in lamen terms.  No one should be bullying.  If your child is a terror he/she shouldn't be at the playground alone.  Jason is right, not every 12 year old should be outside even if it says so on the "rules" Joanne gave us.  I agree with everyone!  I'm not sure why the two of you (cheryll and Joanne) are thinking I'm "attacking" you when I'm agreeing with you...why is it always an argue.  Speaking of children bullying....

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Oh good Jason..phew, thank you.  I thought I had lost my mind.  I posted the same thing as other people did in the beginning of this post, but somehow it got lost in tranlation along the way :(

23 Aug 2010
ANON
Posts:28
Re: Bullying...

This sounds like a great topic for the next Naples Town Hall meeting with the CO.  Hopefully, he will take immediate action.  The problem with bullying (and according to some of the other posts here, stealing) is completely unacceptable. 

If military members aren't going to be responsible for their kids behavior, then maybe they should a) be kicked off base or b) put on a plane back to the States. 

23 Aug 2010
Cheryl
Posts:36
Re: Bullying...

I got it too.....I also agree with everything said on here. My entire message was quoted when all I meant was the sarcasm comment was not called for, there was no argument, it just happened to get twisted.

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Re: Bullying...

Cit. Cheryl wrote:
I got it too.....I also agree with everything said on here. My entire message was quoted when all I meant was the sarcasm comment was not called for, there was no argument, it just happened to get twisted.


23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Cheryll-yes I agree things do get twisted easily.  It's the written word, you can't see smiles and laughter or friendly eyes!

23 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

I apologize Cheryl, I don't know why or how I keep "quoting" your messages but I don't mean to

23 Aug 2010
mary
Posts:49
Re: Bullying...

OK , I guess I did open a can of worms!  I believe it was the right can to open here.  Sorry everyone is "misunderstanding" everyone else, but I think we all have the same thought and concern in mind.  My question is now, why are there ONLY FIVE people on this forum talking about this issue?  Pretty ironic!

23 Aug 2010
JoAnne
More than 100 messages post
Posts:123
Re: Bullying...

Ok, I guess things did get twisted.  D I guess I miss read what you were trying to say, it just did not read right (to me)  I agree that we all have the same concerns for the children so what it boils down to is this, the next time anyone sees kids who definantly look too young to be unsupervized or being bullied then security needs to be called.  Security being called, parents getting invloved maybe then things will begin to change?  But it is going to take action and not just a discussion board :)

24 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

I'm in total agreement Joanne!  Getting the word out and taking action is key!

24 Aug 2010
scott
Posts:4
Re: Bullying...

I was a military "brat" and have seen a huge difference between when I was kid in a military family and kids now.  I bullied a kid once and paid the uitlimate price with my dad.  You would not know that the kids you see at these parks are military kids.  They act like wild animals and have no respect for anyone or themselves. 

The first day in our new place the kids wanted to go play.  My son, who is 5, and like all 5 year olds, wants to be a fireman or a policeman.  He wore his new fireman suite to the playground.  Within 10 minutes he came back crying saying two kids were teasing him and that he wasn't a fireman.  I go out there and one of the kids, a girl was 7 and the other a boy, her brother was 9 were the culprits.  I asked them why they were doing what they were doing.  They got quiet.  Then the girl spoke up and said he is just a dumb little kid and that he needs to toughen up.  "OH Really", was my response.  I told them both they had two choices, go home voluntarily or I was calling security and they could go home wit a police escort. They both left. 

Just the other day my kids were out playing,  Two kids with nerf guns, both around 10 and 11 were running around shooting the littler kids in their faces.  I went down and took there nerf guns.  I then told them that their dads could come and get them back from me.  I still have two new nerf guns.  Which oh by the way, I will be turning them into security so if their parents are reading this and you are ready to man up to your kid's actions you can get their toys there. 

Three weeks ago there was a girl, and I use this term very very loosly, she was 12 who was beating up a boy, much younger than her.  I stopped it immediately.  I asked her why she was so mean and "her response was he is a boy and boys are ugly so I like to hurt them".  I told her I was calling security and she ran away.  I can just imagine the princess her mom is and pitty the man the is married to her.  I haven't seen her since. 

The point is the kids are bullies and obviously the parents are not involved enough in their lives to care.  Everytime I see one of these punks I confront them and they act like the cowards they and run away.  I taught this to my kids and they now stand up to the cowards.  Yesterday we were out and a kid started to tease my son.  He told him to his face. "Leave me alone or I will make you leave me alone."  The coward stopped and left him alone.  I do not in any way advocate violence, but I do believe that when faced with danger you stand up and do what is needed to protect yourself and the ones you love.

24 Aug 2010
Dominique
Posts:13
Re: Bullying...

Bravo SCOTT! My husband and I are both in total shock at some of the behavior we have witnessed when living on base. The problem is that OTHER parents refuse to involve themselves in stopping the behavior or letting the offending children's parents in on the problem. 9 times out of 10, when you confront the kids or the parents, things get handled and the bullying stops. I have worked in Schools, Daycares, you name it, and the problems usually (but not ALWAYS) originate with the parents. Either they are not involved, are too hesitant to step in when their children are causing issues (because kids will be kids, right? Ugh!) OR they are bullies themselves and do little if ANYTHING to discipline their children. Laziness is tantamount to encouragement! There is something truthful in the saying, "It takes a village" because in all honesty NO ONE can see their children at all times, and grown-ups SHOULD step in and say when something is not right and correct it. If a child cannot count on an adult to show them the right course of action to take, how are they going to know true right from wrong? 

   Adults should not hesitate to call children out on their behavior AT ANY TIME. You just might save the next child from becoming someone's victim. Good job Scott, I hope more parents take a more proactive role like you have. 

24 Aug 2010
d
Posts:30
Re: Bullying...

Scott I agree that you should always stop the bullying when you see it.  However, I don't agree with letting a five year old go to the playground alone.

24 Aug 2010
scott
Posts:4
Re: Bullying...

He doesn't his sister or mother or I am always with him.  The day he was bullied his sister was with him.

29 Apr 2011
Tracie
Posts:7
Re: Bullying...

So, am I right in understanding that children under 9 are NOT allowed to go to the playground alone?  BTW, will someone give me the number that I should call should I need security?  I would like to have it in my cell phone.  Thanks for taking the initiative to take care of your own children!!  :o)

30 Apr 2011
mary
Posts:49
Re: Bullying...

Children 6-8 are allowed on the playground for 1 hour with parents or guardian nearby.  That's what the instruction says in the previous post.  As for the number to security, it is 629-4262 for non emergencies on base.

02 May 2011
Tim and Kristina
Posts:31
Re: Bullying...

I am so with scott on this one.

10 May 2011
Gregory
Posts:8
Re: Bullying...

I worry about this all the time when my wife takes our little boy to the park.  I work in security and believe me all you have to do is call, 629-4262, and someone will be there right away.  All it takes is a little kid to get pushed down or even yelled at, dont hesitate to call for anything because we will talk to the kids parents and get it straightened out immediately.